-A definite promise from your loving HSP, empath, and INFJ-
Whether you are a highly sensitive person, empath, or INFJ, I am sure you have all been told to “lighten up” from time to time. Well, I am all of those things, so I’m just going to go ahead and warn you up front to multiply that by three. Intense is an understatement! I haven’t decided yet if I am poisonous or contagious, but I do know I can definitely “rain on a parade” more often than I’d like to admit.
Now, I’m not a depressed person. I would say that I am very much the opposite of that. I am an idealist, and I believe in love and happiness. I wake up each morning as sunshine, ready to take on the world. I think about how I can make the world a better place. I’ve even been accused of being all rainbows, unicorns, and pixie dust at times. I’ve been likened to a magical character that couldn’t possibly exist in the “real” world. Some of these comments have been made in awe, and at other times, they have been made in disgust. I do not become bitter or change my ways. I keep on believing in beautiful outcomes in spite of the evidence before me.
That being said, however, I am also a realist. I am on a path of constant evolution, and I admit to being a bit of a perfectionist. I don’t cringe at the idea of perfectionism like so many people do, because my brain doesn’t comprehend settling for less before you even try for the best. This is where I start to lose people I think. I am always trying to perfect things- living spaces, situations, people, myself, and even moments. I am not afraid of hard work. I think INFJ’s are born wearing work gloves. Activities and conversations that end in evolution and understanding energize me, but I understand how these types of conversations are often exhausting for others.
Where other people are content, I am always looking for more.
I’m going to leave that sentence right there. I am just going to let it sit there all alone and reflect on itself for a while, because that’s the core of everything people don’t get or dislike about me. That right there is the reason many of my relationships and friendships have ended. I know I make people feel bad or inadequate. I know that I can take their happy moment and suck all the joy out of it by mentioning what I perceive as an obvious truth. The difference between me and other people, however, is that I am not being critical in my mind. I am being analytical. I am being analytical with the intent to propel everything around me to absolute greatness. What I am learning the hard way, however, is that people don’t always want that. Sometimes it just makes people feel like they aren’t good enough, or that I am not satisfied with what is right in front of me. This also is the furthest thing from the truth, and it makes me very upset when my words or actions leave people feeling this way. I HATE raining on anyone’s parade. It is never my intent, and I often get surprised by people’s reactions to my well meaning intentions.
Maybe this misunderstanding happens, because I don’t see the world as good or bad. I see the world as being in a state of constant change. If something isn’t right, then let’s work on making it right. I look at life through the lens of development. I am the most analytical with the people closest to me, because they are the ones I want to propel to ultimate greatness above anything else. It’s not that I don’t like them as they are right now. I absolutely adore them right now. I didn’t dislike my daughter when she couldn’t feed herself or go to the bathroom on her own. I adored her, but I still helped her learn how to take the best care of herself. I didn’t love her less back then or more now. I just love like I always love, and I never think of it in any other way.
I take the whole work in progress concept very seriously. I live by it. I don’t get upset with people when they aren’t being their best. I easily forgive, and I do not judge. I will, however, probably state the very obvious fact you don’t need (or want) to hear right at the moment you least want (but maybe need) to hear it. Again, I am a bit of a storm cloud. Just like a storm cloud, as heat and energy gets released into the atmosphere, I swell. In my attempts to force something to rise, something else falls, and through this instability, I often create quite a storm.
I have watched the storms build over the years, and I have grown much better at tempering myself in order to prevent their intensity. A delayed storm, however, is still a storm, and the rainy season always returns. I don’t mind the rainy season as much as those around me do, because I see the big picture. I don’t mind enduring thunder and lightning to nourish the flowers. I see it as the laws of nature, a natural process of the universe. I know though that everyday can’t be thunderstorms. I am not writing this to give highly sensitive people, empaths, or INFJs permission to jab a lightening bolt into the hearts of everyone they meet. I am writing this in an attempt to let people understand the “science” behind our intensity. I am writing this to remind people of all of the beauty that grows out of thunderstorms.
Yes, I am a thundercloud.
I can be frightening, but I am also nourishing. I may storm, but it is never meant to ruin anyone’s parade. That is my promise.
Author, Michelle Lynn, is a podcaster on The Captain’s Pod, and she creates content specifically for HSP’s, empaths, introverts, INFJ’s, and Myers-Briggs enthusiasts. Her weekly podcast, HSP S.O.S. (Highly Sensitive Persons Supporting Our Sensitivity), can be found on The Captain’s Pod website and Facebook. Also connect with her on Twitter@hsp_sos.