To All the Lonely HSPs

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Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life’s cruelest irony.
Douglas Coupland-
I am a highly sensitive person, and I am lonely a good portion of the time.  I recently talked about loneliness on my podcast HSP SOS #29 “I Feel Lonely”, and it has become abundantly clear that my loneliness stems not from a lack of people in my life, but from a lack of understanding.  I came to this epiphany through a mindfulness activity where I listed anything I could think of that made me feel lonely.  It was difficult at first, but once I was done, I felt as though I had rediscovered a piece of myself, and in talking about my loneliness with other highly sensitive people I also discovered that I am not alone in feeling this way.  Many HSPs enjoy solitude.  It is the judgement, criticism, and misunderstanding of their nature that makes them feel alone.  In an effort to remind other HSPs that they are not alone, I am sharing what makes me feel lonely here.
I feel lonely when…
  • I feel lonely when… people misinterpret my intentions, or tell me they do not believe me when I tell them that is not what I meant.
  • I feel lonely when… I want to talk about my troubles with a loved one, but I can’t.  I worry how my sad news will impact them, so I don’t say what is on my mind.
  • I feel lonely when… I  get really upset about corruption, injustice, violence, or prejudice- and everyone around me thinks I am being too intense.
  • I feel lonely when… my mood is different from everyone else around me.  If I am at a party, and everyone else is laughing and having a good time, then I feel like my presence is just going to bring everyone down.
  • I feel lonely when… people stop talking to me, because they are mad at someone I associate with.
  • I feel lonely when… I am passionate about an idea, project, or cause, and no one around me seems as interested or excited.
  • I feel lonely when… people keep information from me, because they worry I am going to get emotional or “overreact”.
  • I feel lonely when …I know I am being misunderstood and I try to explain myself, and the other person says they don’t want to talk about it.  They tell me I need to stop bringing up the past and just “get over it.”
  • I feel lonely when… I don’t find a sarcastic joke funny or enjoy teasing, and I am told to lighten up.
  • I feel lonely when… people call me needy or codependent thinking I constantly need to be in contact with people, when all I really want is to be acknowledged and accurately heard.

So yeah, my conclusion for me is that I do not feel lonely in the absence of people.  I enjoy alone time and solitude.  I feel lonely in the presence of people who misunderstand me.  To me that is the epitome of feeling alone.

Author, Michelle Lynn, is a podcaster on The Captain’s Pod, and she creates content specifically for HSP’s, empaths, introverts, INFJ’s, and Myers-Briggs enthusiasts.  Her weekly podcast, HSP S.O.S. (Highly Sensitive Persons Supporting Our Sensitivity), can be found on The Captain’s Pod website and Facebook. Also connect with her on Twitter @hsp_sos.

4 thoughts on “To All the Lonely HSPs

  1. One HSP more here feeling alone. For me too it is not the absence of people that makes me lonely, but realizing that I cannot connect with anyone on the level that I would wish to. I think also that past bad experiences from friendships and being rejected can result a HSP to have major trust issues. I seek to connect with people, but at the same time I fail to reveal my true self because of the past traumas. I realize though that only by being brave I have any hope of finding the perfect friend match for me. Courage, courage.. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  2. This. Post.

    Everything you describe is relatable for me, even though my exact feelings differ very slightly. This is the first time I feel like I can share something on the topic of solitude vs. loneliness with my husband that he’ll understand, because you’ve articulated something that I’ve never been able to clarify for myself- let alone another person.

    Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you so much Courtney for these kind words. I always feel like the people I want to understand me the most are the people I love the most. 🙂

    Like

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